The Wholly Chao Cabal

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Spinning ChaoThe Wholly Chao Cabal: Spinning Chao

Touching Goddess where She pees... Since 1995

In the Beginning....No, that's not right!
A long, long time ago. In a galaxy...NO! That's been done!
Once upon a time...(now that's appropriately classic)

Once upon a time, there was this cabbage, only he didn't know he was a cabbage. He thought he was a human. We'll call him "Bob". Bob didn't just think he was human, he was certain of it. Being so certain of things tends to mess your mind up when you find out otherwise- we're jumping ahead, slow down!

Bob was subscribing to the reality commonly referred to as The United States Navy. What he was doing there is really not important; it was the same meaningless drivel everyone else there was sporting. The truth is he didn't know why he was there. If he weren't dead, he would still say he knew exactly what he was doing but he didn't. Anyway, the ship he was on was the USS CARL VINSON (CVN-70). He was in the Reactor Department, in Machinery Division. I know that's over most of your heads. Suffice it to say that they used a nuclear reactor to make heat; they used that heat to boil water at really high pressures and temperatures to make steam. And they used that steam to make clean drinking water, electricity, hot water for showers, to cook, and to make the ship go through the water. Oh yeah, they also used it to launch those no load, puss nutted airdales in the jets off of the flight deck.

Anyway, after a few years of not getting enough sleep and being treated like a stray dog that no one liked, but loved to kick, he began to question his reality. He had already given up on Christ and God as delusions. Freedom was pretty much the same way. He had come to accept his fate as a slave and hated the slavers just like everyone else. But, he couldn't be sure that any of it was real anymore. Now, knowing that he was human and therefore real, this really bugged him. Not knowing what to do he began reading. He read books by Robert Anton Wilson, such as Prometheus Rising and Cosmic Trigger. He also read books by Phil Hine, like Condensed Chaos or Christopher Hyatt's, Undoing Yourself. These all had the amazing effect of preparing him for the strangest journey of his life, Death. I say, "preparing" because being a human, he didn't need to perform any of the exercises in any of those books, he was pretty much enlightened. So one day, a good friend of his, we'll call him Brother BabbleOn, gives him this stack of photocopied pages from the greatest book of all times. The Principia Discordia! Bob read the principia, and while he didn't get it, he thought it was funny as hell! So, he went out and bought a copy. The Steve Jackson Games edition...

So, our hero begins to play at being a Discordian, and The Wholly Chao Cabal is born. Actually the name and the cabal were Bro B's idea. But he's off gallivanting around the universe and doesn't keep in touch so FraterV:I: pretty much runs things... But, I digress. As I said, Bob was playing at being a Discordian, it wasn't until a short while later when he tried a visit with Uncle 'Cid' that things began to become clear. Uncle 'Cid', being the wonderful guide that he is, began to show Bob that a great many things depend on your point of view and how to shift your point of view. Then it happened, Bob began to die... he realized that a point of view was the same as the reality grid that The Principia was talking about. Then like a snowball it began to happen, Bob was becoming enlightened. Now, I feel the need to qualify that statement so bare with me for a moment. Bob did NOT become enlightened. He began the process of becoming enlightened. Thank you, we now return to your regularly scheduled CATMA... Bob was dying but he didn't know it. He realized that he was a cabbage, pretending to be human. This was the most devastating realization yet. He began re-reading all of those books that had prepared him for the Principia... They all made more sense, and he started actually doing the exercises. That's when he died. Those exercises just pushed him over the edge and what's left of Bob the Cabbage/wannabe human, now resides in the man known as FraterV:I:

Totally and completely incapable of relating to another cabbage, having progressed so far up the ladder of enlightenment that the other cabbages don't understand him, and not far enough to truly be enlightened, FraterV:I: began to feel lonely. So he began this website to see if there are any other like minded psychos bonded together by Eris. But, as a tribute to the origin of The Wholly Chao Cabal, we have linked to the USS Carl Vinson's Website, which was referred to as the USS Stuck Pig among other things, by those in M-Division. So visit it if you wish or don't we really couldn't care less if we tried.

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